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Dear Zeus, Please Let Michele Bachmann Be the GOP Nominee


Michele Bachmann, despite her flubbing history, stealing Tom Petty songs and confusing John Wayne (American Hero) with John Wayne Gacy (Serial Killer), is one of the leading Republican candidates for President. Which, I suppose, makes you wonder: what does she need to do to be disqualified?

Then again, setting ideology aside, can you imagine a more entertaining matchup in 2012 than Barack Obama (pretend liberal who's actually quite moderate) against Michele Bachmann (pretend genius who's actually quite moronic)? I can't! So let's make it happen, America! Bachmann 2012!

It looks like some parts of America are already on board the Crazy Train. In Iowa, Bachmann is polling in second, in a statistical tie with Mitt the Robot Romney. In Oregon and Montana, the Gaffe Girl is leading the polls. In other words, it isn't as if a Bachmann Presidential nod is out of the question. What might the public gain if she is the GOP nominee?

A good laugh

Even her fans have to know by now that Bachmann is good for a laugh, although usually at her expense. She can't help but screw up the most basic facts about life. She managed to argue that the Founding Fathers, who wrote slavery IN TO THE CONSTITUTION, "worked tirelessly" to end slavery.

She also thinks John Quincy Adams was one of the Founding Fathers. He was a whopping nine years old at the time the Constitution was written. Confronted with the fact that he wasn't a Founding Father and that they didn't work tirelessly to end slavery, Bachmann insists that she's right and history is wrong. After all, didn't Paul Revere warn us of Pearl Harbor and fight against wasteful government spending?

Bachmann also thinks we can solve the unemployment problem by getting rid of the minimum wage. (Is Bachmann secretly for slavery after being against it?)

She's a Woman

It would probably be tragic for history that the first female presidential nominee happened to be an anti-feminist nutjob, but c'est la vie. We are well beyond the time when one of the two main parties needs to nominate a woman to the top spot — and not just for the hell of it. If she wins the nomination, it will be over the political corpse of a few heavy hitters; she'll have earned every moment of it.

Side bonus? With Obama on the Democratic side, we'd finally have a presidential election without any white men assaulting the truth as they fight over every last moron vote. That has to be a plus, right?

Music Lovers Adore Puns

Music lovers who also are in to bad puns would have a field day with any Bachmann ticket. Why?

Forget about Tom Petty's stupid American Girl song. It's overdone and overrated as it is. Bachmann needs to go after her semi-namesake, Bachman-Turner Overdrive, and swap to "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet". Given her gaffe history, it's likely we haven't even scratched the surface on the dumb things she might say next.

Then, with the BTO on board, she could flip that into some pun-based publicity for her Vice Presidential pick. Her two most obvious choices?

Mitt Romney: The Bachmann-Mormon Overdrive has a nice ring to it.

Sarah Palin: The Bachmann-Moron Overdrive doesn't have quite the same heft, but would give those of us in the media plenty to write — and laugh — about.


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Posted-In: Michele BachmannNews Movers & Shakers Politics Success Stories General

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