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Nancy Grace Goes Dancing With The Girls Out

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As if network television wasn't disgusting enough.

Nancy Grace, the court-based newshound famous for being a vile human being, had a wardrobe malfunction on Monday night's Dancing With the Stars episode. That's right, folks: during the trainwreck of a show, there was an accident and the airbags deployed.

I don't want to give away the ending, but it culminated in me dry-heaving and wondering if this was, in fact, a sign that Cthulhu was close to his triumphant return. I hate to state the obvious, but Nancy Grace's funbags should never, ever be on public display. Accident or not, she owes the entire sentient universe an apology and perhaps a quick seppuku.

OK, perhaps that is a bit of overkill. A simple promise to never, ever unleash her hell-puppies on the rest of us would probably be acceptable. Oh, and she could apologize to Casey Anthony while she's at it, since she was found not guilty and all that.

The actual events as they, umm, unfolded, were pretty humorous. Grace pranced around the dance floor for her performance, and then, for maybe half a second, one of her twins paid a visit. It was barely enough time for her breast to wave at the camera, let alone scar America's youth (or whatever nonsense the conservatives will claim a wild boob can do).

The judges took it in stride. As the camera panned back to a horrified Grace, she was comforted by host Tom Bergeron, who stepped in to the view so Grace could adjust herself. Bergeron said "On the European version, that would be perfectly fine." And it would, because over there, unlike here, half the country doesn't get riled up when it sees a boob on television. Then again, we had one for president for eight years. Maybe we've been desensitized to the effects of boobs on TV.

For her part, Grace is claiming there was no wardrobe malfunction.

"When we were doing our hop-scotch portion of our dance, there was a little bit of movement but it did not rise to a wardrobe malfunction," she told reporters after the show, according toEntertainment Weekly. "We have got every precaution known to man in this dress right here. I'm talking industrial strength precautions. So there may have been a little bit of, as Tristan [MacManus, her partner] said, jiggling."

I hate to call someone a liar, but Nancy Grace is a liar. Her own reaction and the reaction of the show's hosts give it away. She appeared embarrassed afterward and judge Bruno Tonioli called her performance "top-heavy."

So, yes. Nancy Grace's nipple slipped out. It's not a big deal, except she wants to make it not a big deal...which is ironic, since her claim to fame is taking legal cases that aren't a big deal and exploiting them for personal gain. Now, it appears, it is our turn. I shall enjoy every minute of it!

 

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