Lending money to family is often seen as a simple favor. Over time, it can turn into something more complicated.

A 29-year-old woman shared on the r/AmITheJerk subreddit that tensions grew after she refused to lend $2,000 from a $5,000 performance bonus she had recently earned at work. The disagreement didn't stay between the two sisters and soon involved other family members.

The original poster wrote that she earned the bonus after months of long hours on a demanding project. She planned to use part of the money for a vacation and save the rest.

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A Bonus Triggers A Familiar Request

Not long after receiving the bonus, her sister asked if she could "loan" $2,000. She said she was behind on rent and a car payment and presented the request as short-term help.

For the OP, the request felt familiar.

She wrote that she had loaned her sister money about six times over the past two years. None of it was paid back. In total, she estimated she had already given about $3,500.

This time, she decided to say no. She told her sister she couldn't keep lending money without repayment.

Her sister became upset, cried, and said she might be evicted. She also said that family members are supposed to help each other.

"I feel bad, but I'm also tired of being her bank," the OP wrote.

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Family Pressure And The Line She Drew

The OP also mentioned her sister's spending habits, writing that she often buys designer clothes, eats out frequently, and got a new tattoo the previous month.

After that, their mother contacted her and called her selfish, saying she "has the money so why not help." Her father agreed with her decision, but other relatives sided with her mother.

In the comments, many Reddit users supported her choice and focused on setting financial boundaries. Several also warned her about sharing details of her income with family members.

"Not the jerk. But now you know not to be telling anyone about your finances," one commenter wrote. Another added, "Never share your financial information."

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Situations like this often come up when income changes or expectations shift within families. Informal loans between relatives can create tension, especially when repayment isn't clearly defined. Some financial planning services focus on helping higher-earning households think through these kinds of decisions in a more structured way. 

Domain Money provides CFP professional-led financial planning for U.S. households earning $100,000 or more a year, including free strategy sessions.

Even when family pressure is involved, having clear boundaries can make money decisions easier to live with. While not every choice will satisfy everyone else, it can still leave room for stability — and a little peace of mind.

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