A woman from Salt Lake City called into “The Ramsey Show” with Dr. John Delony and George Kamel recently to share her struggle: after one year of marriage, her husband still refuses to share any financial information with her. She said this lack of transparency has been there since they began dating and has never improved.
‘Behavior Is A Language’
Mallory, the caller, told the hosts she doesn't know her husband's income, debts, or spending habits. When she asks, he avoids giving real answers, saying things like, “It varies” or “Probably the same as you.” Kamel was surprised by how little she knew about her husband's finances. “You know nothing about this guy when it comes to money?” he asked. “Correct,” she replied.
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Delony made it clear that such secrecy rarely exists in isolation, asking, “Where are other areas where your gut just knows something’s not right?” Mallory admitted she had once caught him texting another woman.
The couple's financial arrangement mirrors that of roommates. “We split the rent 50/50, we split utilities 50/50, and we split our child’s daycare 50/50,” Mallory explained. They have no joint accounts, and each pays their own half directly. “What you just described is how I lived with every roommate I’ve ever had,” Kamel said, stressing that this is far from a normal marriage structure.
Mallory tried to move toward financial openness by booking a meeting with a financial advisor, but her husband canceled at the last minute despite previously agreeing. She has also found collections notices with his name on them and said she has been unable to get a copy of their joint tax return from his CPA.
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Delony compared this to his own experience: “Just so you know, George and I got our taxes done at the same place this year, and we walked out with our return.” To which Kamel added, “And I walked out with my spouse, who was there the whole time.” He noted that her situation made him even more concerned: “Mallory, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.”
Delony cut to the chase: “You do not have a marriage. Do you get that?” He continued, “Behavior is a language. He’s being very clear with you: I do not want to build a life with you.” He also gave a pointed warning: “Make sure he’s not taking debt out in your name.”
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The hosts urged her to pull her credit report, freeze her credit, and monitor it closely. They pointed out that once married, her husband has access to her Social Security number and could open accounts without her knowledge. This, they said, made protecting her financial identity urgent. It's not just about having separate bank accounts, Delony explained. “You’re dealing with a person who’s untrustworthy.”
In the end, Delony concluded the call by telling her, “It’s not a healthy marriage, is what we’re telling you,” making it clear that the money issues were symptoms of a deeper problem in the relationship.
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