I'll Lose My Marriage' — 72-Year-Old Man Asks If He's A Bad Son For Applying For Medicaid To Place His Broke 94-Year-Old Mom In A Nursing Home

On the AgingCare forum, a 72-year-old man turned to the community with a heartbreaking question: "Am I a bad son if I don't want to do this?"

His 94-year-old mother had "outlived her money," and her private-pay assisted living facility—the last one available in his area—was no longer financially sustainable. Once her funds ran out, she'd be left with only one option: a Medicaid-funded nursing home.

He considered bringing her home, but he'd already tried that. Twice. And both times ended badly.

"Bickering and fighting reached a point where I had to get her out or lose my marriage," he wrote.

Don't Miss:

• Maker of the $60,000 foldable home has 3 factory buildings, 600+ houses built, and big plans to solve housing — this is your last chance to become an investor for $0.80 per share.
• Peter Thiel turned $1,700 into $5 billion—now accredited investors are eyeing this software company with similar breakout potential. Learn how you can invest with $1,000 at just $0.30/share.

His mother's needs had grown. She was no longer walking, refused to bathe in the shower, needed help changing soiled adult diapers, and insisted on keeping the house at 80 degrees due to being "perpetually cold." Her memory was fading. She was demanding and forgetful. He admitted that taking her in again would be a "24 x 7" responsibility—and would likely destroy his marriage.

Faced with guilt, pressure, and financial strain, he turned to strangers online to ask whether applying for Medicaid and placing her in a nursing facility made him a failure.

The community's response was clear and compassionate.

"You're not a bad son," one user told him. "But your status as a good husband may suffer if you do [bring her home]."

Today's Best Finance Deals

Trending: Maximize saving for your retirement and cut down on taxes: Schedule your free call with a financial advisor to start your financial journey – no cost, no obligation. 

Others pointed out that his mother's needs—mobility issues, incontinence, memory loss—likely qualified her for skilled nursing care. Some encouraged him to contact Medicaid immediately. One user advised: "She is beyond assisted living and needs a skilled nursing facility… You'll be a much better son if her physical needs are being met by a team of workers."

According to Genworth's 2024 Cost of Care Survey, the median cost of a private room in a nursing home is $10,646 per month, making long-term care unaffordable for most retirees without assistance.

Ultimately, the man returned to the thread with an update. He said he planned to follow the advice: move his mother into a nursing facility a couple of months before her money runs out, pay privately at first, and begin the Medicaid application during that window.

"Now in just two days, there is the kernel of a plan," he wrote. "Lots of work to do and people to contact… Ample time to do things right."

See Also: Invest early in CancerVax's breakthrough tech aiming to disrupt a $231B market. Back a bold new approach to cancer treatment with high-growth potential.

While the 94-year-old mother may not have planned for her situation, her son's dilemma highlights a widespread concern: Americans across generations worry about running out of money in retirement, according to a 2025 Allianz Life study. The fear is especially pronounced among Gen Xers (70%) and millennials (66%), but even among baby boomers—many of whom are already retired—61% say they're concerned about outliving their savings.

This specific case illustrates a larger cultural tension: wanting to honor family while also protecting one's own mental health and marriage. 

When a parent outlives their savings, there are no perfect solutions. But protecting your marriage and your mental health doesn't make you a bad child—it makes you human.

Read Next: Many are surprised by Mark Cuban's advice for lotto winners: Cash or annuity?

Image: Shutterstock