A graduate student planning to move in with her longtime boyfriend said a remark about rent and his attempts to budget her salary sparked a major argument.
The poster, who carries heavy student loan debt and has limited income until she starts her job this month, shared the story on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole. She described feeling dismissed when her boyfriend, who has a trust fund and regular support from his parents, told her she was "lucky" he covered more rent.
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Relationship Tested By Finances
The couple, both 24, planned to share an apartment beginning in June after dating for three and a half years. She said she intended to use her savings to pay her portion of expenses until her new job began.
The boyfriend agreed to cover a third of the rent because of their very different circumstances. But when he added, "You're lucky I love you and am paying more for rent because it's not really equal," she said the comment left her infuriated.
Money Plans Cross A Line
The student said her boyfriend's efforts to reduce her stress only made things worse. She explained he kept pressing her to budget when she preferred to figure it out herself.
At one point, she discovered he had taken her future post-graduation salary and mapped out how she should spend it. She described the move as insulting and overstepping, adding that she considers herself financially literate, has significant savings, and is confident managing money.
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Privilege Gap Fuels Tension
According to her post, the boyfriend not only has a high income but also receives from his parents three times annually what she is trying to stretch over six months. She said this financial gap left them "on different planets" and made his advice feel hollow.
She emphasized he had never criticized her spending directly but often imposed his perspective. When she pushed back, he walked out and told her not to talk to him.
Apology After Backlash
After reflecting, the boyfriend apologized for the "you're lucky" comment. She said he admitted the rent arrangement was still not fully equitable and that he had not intended to make her feel belittled.
Even after his apology, many Redditors warned the imbalance could spark bigger problems if money is used as leverage in the relationship. Others urged the couple to seek guidance from a neutral money manager before moving forward with their plan to live together.
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