Westboro Church to Picket Steve Jobs' Funeral

The classless buffoons that comprise the Westboro Church are going to try and out-do themselves this fall, as they announced last night that they will picket the funeral of Apple creator Steve Jobs.

“Westboro will picket his funeral. He had a huge platform; gave God no glory and taught sin,” wrote Margie Phelps, daughter of the Westboro Church's founder, Fred Phelps. Of course, Margie announced the picket of Steve Jobs' funeral on twitter VIA HER iPHONE. Apparently, the devil's products are OK for Margie and her band of drooling circus idiots, but not OK for anyone else. Oh, and that bit about glorifying God? Total nonsense. The Westboro Church people glorify themselves above anything else: above God more than anything else. They are the most self-important, self-righteous pack of wandering jackals the world has ever seen. They exist primarily to provoke decent, grieving people into an emotional reaction — and then they sue that person and everyone around them. They live for moments like this. They feed off the pain of others and they glorify themselves, bathing in the attention they get from picketing the funerals of people who did more for humanity in a day than they'll ever do in their collective time on Earth. When they're not picketing celebrity funerals, like Steve Jobs', they're out protesting at the funerals of fallen soldiers. Yes, you read that correctly. These scumbags go to the funerals of fallen soldiers and protest America. They take the hardest day in the lives of families who are burying a loved one — a loved one who died in service of the nation — and they make it more difficult. Why? I would argue because the people at the Westboro Church are mentally insane. They should be medicated, put in a hospital, and removed from society. Their children should be sent into foster care, to be loved by some adoptive parents who would never, ever teach them the crap that spews off the tongue of the Phelps Klan. You should really read their literature some time. Their main issue seems to be that God really, really hates gay people. And America doesn't kill gay people, and many Americans (including Steve Jobs) support the right of gay people to live, love, marry and pursue happiness. Because of this, the Westboro Church thinks that every bad thing that happens (a soldier dying, a hurricane, a hangnail) is God sending the message that America needs to smote some gay people. I mean, even their website is dedicated to hating gay people. It's called

and is centered around the ridiculous idea that God created gay people just so he could torture them forever in hell. You cannot make up more ridiculous villains than these folks. They're so obviously in the closet that I wonder how there's room for them all in there. You'll excuse me if I happen to think that perhaps Fred Phelps, the founder of the Westboro Church, wants to take a little dip on the gay end of the pool. This laser-like focus on gay sex tells me that he wants to try a little forbidden fruit, but can't bring himself to taste the golden apple. It's OK Fred. Just the tip of the iceberg, buddy. Just the tip. In the meantime, I've spawned my own idea. Since these savages get such delight out of protesting the funerals of American icons and heroes, why don't we return the favor? When Fred Phelps finally dies and his disgusting carcass is loaded into a wooden box and lowered into the ground, why don't we all show up at his funeral and picket? We can protest and hoot and holler and hold signs up. We can do for the Westboro scumbags what they've done to hundreds of families over the years. We can even do it using their own lingo. Instead of "God Hates Fags" signs, like the ones they carry at their protests, we can make "God Hates Phelps" signs. I know a lot of artists; we can make this happen. We can also make posters of Fred burning in hell for eternity. They'd surely appreciate that on their day of mourning and contemplating their dead relative. On that miserable day, we can make their miserable lives just a little bit worse. We can take their pain and amp it up just a notch. It might be lowering us down to their level for a day. It might make us awful people, if only for just a moment. It also just might be worth it. In Steve's name. Amen.