Zings Of The Day, August 23, 2011

UBS AG (NYSE: UBS) said it will cut 3,500 jobs to save 2 billion Swiss francs ($2.5 billion) in annual costs. It will then funnel those savings to tax evaders. So in other words, nothing new.

H.J. Heinz Co. (NYSE: HNZ) shares fell today after the company repeated its forecast for full-year profit that were lower than analysts' estimates. Insert hilarious and overused ketchup joke here.