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After Hurricane Irene, Let's Arrest God for Murder

Where is Jack McCoy when you need him?

According to Michele Bachmann, Jack McCoy should be perched in his office in New York City, ready to file 29 charges of murder against God, Allah, Jesus, Zeus, and whatever other deity is willing to step forward and take claim for the hurricane that blew through the East Coast this weekend.

In case you missed the news, Michele Bachmann beclowned herself this weekend, after saying that the hurricane was a direct message from God to Americans. No, really. Crazy Eyes was at it again, claiming that God had it in for America.

Here is her exact quote. "I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending."

Now do you see what I mean when I refer to whackos like Bachmann as religious nutjobs? She honestly believes God (an allegedly all-knowing, all-loving creator of the universe) sent a deadly hurricane into a particular tract of land, killing 29 people, in order to send a message to politicians that they need to cut spending.

That's crazy talk, ok? It's crazy to believe that God talks to people. I would go so far as to say it's crazy to believe in God, particularly the one laid out in the obviously fictional bible and koran. At least some folks can say, well, I believe in goodness and love, or whatever, and couch their philosophical immaturity in more acceptable terms. But thinking God exists, and talks to you through hurricanes, is guanopsychotic.

Let's extrapolate a little here. Bachmann just won a straw poll in Iowa, which means a plurality of Iowa Republicans think she and her views should represent them in the presidential contest against Barack Obama. Bachmann's strand of crazy Christofascism isn't exactly new, so we really need to ask: what percentage of Republicans believe this craziness?

Do a majority of them actually think God not only exists, but murders a few dozen Americans every now and then to remind John Boehner to cut taxes for billionaires?

Apparently, they do. In a survey conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute in partnership with the Religion News Service, nearly 4 in 10 Americans (38%) believe that earthquakes, floods and other natural disasters are a sign from God. Approximately 30 percent of Americans believe that God will sometimes punish a nation for the sins of some citizens.

The survey did not report what percentage of adults believe in similarly ridiculous things, such as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or a compassionate conservative.

Well, if Bachmann and the 38 percent of Americans that are completely insane want to blame God for national disasters like this weekend's hurricane, perhaps we should take that mentality and run with it.

Rather than let this one slide, let's file murder charges against God. If Bachmann thinks God caused the hurricane, it should be no problem getting a conviction on all 29 counts. If 38% of Americans truly believe God goes out and sends a message via death-and-destruction, then we should prosecute Him/Her/It for the crimes.

Who knows...maybe we can get the trial moved to Texas, where Rick Perry can play God and extend his record-setting execution body count by one (or is it three? I get confused by all the various dogma.)

Or, maybe, just maybe, America can grow up and stop blaming natural disasters on invisible sky friends with political agendas that just so happen to match their own, and realize that sometimes, bad things happen to good people.

You can reach the author by email john@benzinga.com or on twitter @johndthorpe.

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