A woman said she used $60,000 from her late husband's life insurance payout to pay off her 38-year-old daughter's student loans.
The daughter, now working as a lawyer, had been carrying debt from two degrees. But when her son learned about it, he demanded the same amount in cash. The mother refused, explaining: "I've done this specifically because it's an educational expense."
Daughter's Debt Traced Back To Pressure
The original poster explained on the r/AmITheA**hole thread that she pressured her daughter into university at 18, even though the young woman was dealing with depression and unsure of her path. The daughter completed a history degree that led to low-paying jobs and mounting debt as interest grew.
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At 30, she returned to school to earn a law degree, which nearly doubled her loans. OP said she felt guilty for pushing her into the first degree and wanted to help her recover financially. Her daughter had already been paying above the minimum before the balance was cleared.
Son Upset Over Unequal Support
The younger son, who left school at 15 and has worked as a postal employee, never pursued higher education. He discovered the loan payoff after OP mistakenly sent him a message meant for his sister. He demanded equal treatment, asking for the same $60,000 in cash.
OP wrote that handing him money outright would not be fair to her daughter, who received only debt relief. She added that giving her son a lump sum might not benefit him because he "doesn't manage money well and tends to spend impulsively."
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Comments Divided On Fairness
"Tell him you're happy to set aside the same amount for educational expenses for him. He can choose to use it, or not," one commenter wrote. "[Not the a**hole], tell him you will happily pay for college if he is interested," another user posted. The post drew thousands of reactions from commenters debating whether the mother acted fairly.
Others argued the son deserved support even without pursuing college. "He's a postal employee. He doesn't need to go to college. It sounds like he was also depressed, had a rough time with school… He should be given some assistance as well," a response read.
"[You are the a**hole.] You’re rewarding your daughter for achieving YOUR definition of success and withholding support to your son because you’re judgmental… Make amends with your son before it’s too late," another Redditor wrote.
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