Texas Burns as Rick Perry Roasted by 'Acts of God'

So much for Rick Perry being God's pick for President.

Texas, the state Perry where has played High Priest and Governor for a decade now, is currently suffering from not one, but two, so-called acts of god. Central Texas hasn't had meaningful rainfall in over a year now, leading top drought conditions across the state. At the same time, more than 100,000 acres have burned in Texas as wildfires rage out of control across the state. Both natural disasters come just a month after Perry organized and led a giant prayer rally at Houston's Reliant Stadium. Some 30,000 people came together to rally for Jesus, America, and of course, the intersection of Jesus and America: Rick Perry's Republican Party. The rally came a few months after Perry issued an official, government-sponsored proclamation calling on Texans to pray for rain. No, seriously.

"NOW, THEREFORE, I, RICK PERRY, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on those days for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal way of life." Aah, yes. Praying for rain. I thought we were over that nonsense three or four evolutionary steps back. So much for that plan, eh? I guess all that praying for rain and the prayer rally the good ol' boy threw together last month didn't do much for Texas, especially since He followed up the drought with giant, raging wildfires. Not to fear, though, because Rick Perry has the situation completely under control. That's why he can call on the fire departments across Texas to step up, pitch in, and help put out the wildfires. OH, WAIT, HE CAN'T. Why? Because Rick Perry cut their budget by 75 percent last year. Yes, 75 percent. This means that, at some point, it dawned on him that the best place to save money in a state covered with brush, 100-degree summers, and drought-conditions was...in firefighting? I guess the plan-b, pray-for-rain solution was something he seriously thought would work. Oy, vey. According to a source at

, "The majority of Texas is protected by volunteer fire departments. There are 879 volunteer fire departments in Texas and only 114 paid fire departments. Another 187 departments are a combination of volunteer and paid." Those volunteer firefighters saw their budgets, which help cover things like "trucks", "hoses", and "ladders", cut from $30 million (which was itself too low a number) down to a mere $7 million. And just like that, Texas burns without the infrastructure necessary to help control the blazes. Perry has declared a disaster area, allowing him to seek and accept funds from the federal government to deal with the crisis. One has to wonder if Eric Cantor will demand the Senate cut Social Security before giving any disaster money to Texas. It wouldn't be the first time he

Welcome to the rank hypocrisy of the Republican Party of 2012, where federal spending is an outrage, unless it is money given to help you and your constituents out of a crisis of your own creation. Then, apparently, it is kosher. But hey, cutting your own firefighting spending and then calling in the federal government to deal with the giant fire overrunning your state is apparently the new model of small-government conservatism. With another debate coming up, and with Perry currently leading in all the polls, will any of the other contenders have the guts to go after Perry's obvious lack of responsibility and his big-government, Washington-centered solution to his local problem? I mean, that's how the GOP frames every other issue, right? If we could just get FEMA out of the way and let the private industry handle these fires, they'd be under control in two days and at half the cost, right? Shouldn't we berate Texas and their welfare queens who demand socialist programs like taxpayer-subsidized firefighting to prevent the entire state from burning down while Rick "Don't Call Me Nero" Perry tours the country trying to be elected as Bush the Sequel? Isn't this the entire crux of the States' Rights movement? (Don't tell me that all that Tenth Amendment, Secession talk was just code words for wishing you could join the Confederacy. That's just crazy talk, right?) Isn't the whole point of the Republican platform that what happens in Texas is Texas' problem, just as Michigan is Michigan's problem and California is California's problem? Aren't all solutions local? Isn't privatization the answer to everything? Isn't government the problem and not the solution? Isn't God supposed to step in and help His followers from harm, or at the very least, raging (literal) hellfires? Isn't it convenient how quickly those principles go out the window when Republicans have to stop campaigning in fantasy land and start living — and governing — here in reality.