Zings Of The Day, August 25, 2011

Apple (NASDAQ: AAPL) co-founder Steve Jobs is stepping down as CEO and will be replaced by COO and interim CEO Tim Cook. This one won't have a punchline. Just a big "Thank you, Steve."

The FCC has asked AT&T (NYSE: T) for more details why it needs to acquire T-Mobile. Duh. To take over the world. Why else?

Diageo (NYSE: DEO) offered an upbeat outlook, despite competitor Heineken offering a profit warning a day before. I guess I'll drink to that.